June 26, 2014

I had a really bad week and I talked to my mission President and he had me talk to a counselor in Kennewick. so last night after I talked to the councilor we went to Texas Road House and I was talking to Sister Harris and she came out and told me that she is just done,  she is sick of everyone asking how I’m feeling and not how she was feeling.  That made me mad, not going to lie because she has gone through this on her mission already so she should just deal with it.  I was pretty mad but i tried to just agree like I always do when I’m with her.  After we got home from Kennewick I didn’t feel like talking to anyone at all, so i didn’t.  I wrote in my journal and then read some letters.  Then I said a prayer.  When i woke up today i got this strong feeling that i need to stop thinking about myself.  That i just need to make sure my companion is ok and that the people around me are happy and that’s what will make me happy.  I need to take deep breaths when i get annoyed then just smile because my life is good.  I’m on a mission, something i never thought i was going to do because i was so scared!!! And all day i just did that!  i smiled. I cleaned sister Blacks house because i love to do that and i wasn’t fake about it.  I was really happy :) we got to the temple and all i focused on was the name i was going through for and that it was her day :) and i wanted it to be special.  After i went through i sat in the celestial room and just prayed!!! for all sorts of things and i just felt so so good like i was filled with the spirit.  I’m not going to lie to you guys i was about to go home.  i had my mind set on it.  i just wanted to go home i didn’t want to feel like this anymore and i wanted to give up but i knew that if i gave up i would regret it for the rest of my life.  Missions are the hardest thing you will ever do.  Missions find all your strengths and weaknesses and just tear them all down but I’m learning that once you hit rock bottom and you ask God to help you he lifts you back up to the person or missionary he needs you to be.  i know it’s not over.  my trials are just beginning.  I have felt sick and depressed a lot but right now I’m happy because I’m helping other people be happy.  I’m growing and it’s going to help me to learn all this for when i get married and have kids I will be able to handle hard things.  i hit rock bottom but God is lifting me higher  than ever.  i love and miss you all so much!!

Love Sister Steen